September 15, 2012

Back to the Beginning...

as much 'progress' as I thought I have been making is completely gone.
He haunts my dreams
He haunts my being
I see him everywhere in school
Am I just looking for him?
Or are we meant to be together?
I'm not over him
I wonder if I ever will be
I want to be with him
I want him to like me
I want to just be around him.

I wonder...
What does he think of me?
Does he want to kiss me
as much as I want to kiss him?
Does he miss me?
Will he ask me to homecoming?
Does he WANT to?

Why can't I get in his head and understand him???

So I'm in no way over my ex... I thought I was. but now all I can think about, dream about, is him.
and I constantly wonder and HOPE he will ask me to homecoming...
constantly... CONSTANTLY. he is even showing up in my dreams. one night, before morning practice, it was the one night I could sleep in till 5:30, and I fell asleep at oh I dunno, 11ish? but that night. I felt the best. I got a good amount of sleep. and my dream... he was in it the entire time. and when I awoke... I felt so amazing I didn't even understand it.

and at the game last night, I finally told my friends that I still really liked him. My best friend kinda knew all along, my friend on sax, I told her earlier, and my other friend on sax, he has been telling me this entire time that I wasn't over him, and my other friend who is in regular band, doesn't know still I don't think... but in short. I'm back at the beginning and High School Is Difficult...

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