so wow... I know it has been forever.. so this is gonna be a LOOOONNNGGGG post.. :D
where to begin...
I guess from homecoming. so this kid "David" we'll call him. at homecoming since "Michael" didn't even go, I dance with David for the last dance. It was sweet, though it was forced by my friend who is a junior. I later believed I like David, so it was like 11 at night, and I texted Michael (because I was at J's house and the girls didn't know yet) and he said to follow my heart. He knew it was between him and David. I'm pretty sure that is the only reason he decided to help me. But so at that moment I decided it was David. Over a week later I was hearing rumors that David was going to ask me out. It took some more time and "Danny" (he shows up later) gave him some cute cheesy poem to read to me: "Roses are red, Violets are blue, I really want to go out with you" after he said it I blushed like mad!!! I said yes, and I hugged him, and on our way over to our friends, I switched my Ireland ring around to show that I was officially taken :) But all was not well in my Paradise. Since at this point the play was still in preparation, Michael and I still saw each other after school. And him and my guy friends from lunch were telling me things, things that I really did need to hear. They told me how David was getting to be a huge jerk to them. and I'm sorry, you don't do that to my friends. Girls or Guys. So the day before the matinee, I lost my voice. so I was using a mini white board to communicate, and I had been trying to break up with him for almost a week, but I never saw him! so I had to do it the b!tchy way... On the white board... During his lunch... Michael knew why I didn't talk, and a friend wrote it down for me cause I had never broken up with someone before, and so I showed it to him... Michael laughed in almost astonishment, and David looked at him in a curious way, like 'what do you know that I don't?' and Michael explained I lost my voice. Then I left.
Another relationship unsuccessful and finished.
Oh jeez there so much, I don't know if I'm gonna fit it all/ want to type it all in one night.
Okay well we will continue with an almost final Michael moment. (there are almost 3? in this last one...)
It was a cold day for our pre-game practice, we were going to play with the 8th graders from the middle schools that feed into our school. I arrived slightly late and I was wearing a tank top and jeans with under armor underneath said jeans. Soon into the practice (like the beginning) it started raining... and in Michigan when it rains, it is generally cold... and this cold was like slight hail cold.. I was really affected by it though, I wasn't shivering, but I knew my arms were definitely numb. We had run pre-game once, and I ALWAYS watched drumline kinda cause of Michael, and also to keep the beat in my head, and we were waiting cause they were doing something, and I caught Michaels gaze, more like stare though. This kid was wearing under armor everything and a hoodie, he looked at me with this face of SHOCK, and he and I started mouthing words to each other.. stuff like what are you doing... where is your hoodie... I pointed to the school... and right before we did the alma mater without drumline obviously he just shook his head. So I shrugged my arms, I was fine! So it was almost over, we were ALMOST DONE! we were just running pre-game one more time, and we are waiting to be called to attention on the side of the field, I'm socializing with other clarinets and all of a sudden, Michael comes walking over, I don't see him till he is like right next to me, and he throws his hoodie at me and either told me I was stupid or an idiot (because I didn't wear a hoodie) at first I was jus like, what just happened?? Then I was like, woah... He gave me his hoodie :3... Then I was having my good friend at the time hold my clarinet, and I was putting on his hoodie. I didn't think I needed it, but Oh God. When I put that thing on, IT WAS SO WARM! okay normal girls would have been like yay~ it smells jus like him, but honestly, I can't even remember his specific "scent" I think it might have just been clean, and good. but I can't remember! but that moment, I dunno if he was doing it cause he is genuinely a nice guy, or because he liked me... but I didn't care :)
OOOH so during the play practice one day, I have a bed for the show, and Michael is on tech, I wasn't on stage at that point actually for the rest of the show... I left to go get my band pic taken, and as I was getting ready, my phone receives a text, he was like where are you type of thing, and I told him i would be right back, and when I got back he and I were literally laying in my stage bed (back stage) and he was like haha we are in bed together >:) and I was like :o and I'm with David right now!!! we laughed and had a good time :)
The final Michael moment is like the end for me and him... THE FIGHT
I don't even know what it was about but in short, we fought, we tried to be friends again, but we are too alike, and it just wasn't working, now it is a we talk occasionally type of thing. Like we'll talk during tech stuff but that is it... Oh yeah, I joined tech for the spring musical! yeah... Life has changed... and this is only part one. I will type up and release another part of the catching up. honestly... I don't know if I would have preferred life if I was different, or if certain fights didn't happen.
I'll explain more on those later though
See ya
Blonde Band Chick OUT!
January 26, 2013
October 28, 2012
School. Boys. Confusion
School Side: so my schedule got switched up and so now I am in the intermediate band, and regular Alg 2
1st hr: Symphony band, with my friends from marching band, but not many...
2nd hr: English, with some of my good friends
3rd and 4th hr: Block Science, it's kinda fun... I guess
5th hr: math... it's so awkward! I am one of the only 2 freshman.. it's so annoying!!
6th hr: French, with my "friend" who is getting on my nerves. she is kinda one of those girls I wanted to AVOID throughout high school... whatever
Play Practice: well our Play is 'The Crucible' I got the part of Betty Parris which I find amazing and I'm so grateful for getting that part, but I go hangout with tech most of the time, cause I like them better.. oh but since Betty screams, I scream. Our first show is on Tuesday... I DON'T HAVE MY VOICE D: yeah i'm freaking the heck out!!! so now I'm not allowed to talk till Tuesday... AWKWARD TIMES :3
Boys: well I did get a bf, he is my not-so-mellow mello from marching band, but here is the prob, yeah I like him, he is so sweet to me, but he is a total jerk to my guy friends. so now i gotta dump him, because if you ain't nice to my bro's then we ain't goin out. sorry... -I know I know, that sounded really mean, but I'm really getting tired of him treating them horribly, and he will just lie to my face about the matter. so yeah I get pretty tired of it..
Confusion: well i finally understand why people HATE high school but love it still. It definitely is a bittersweet environment. I'm starting to hate my girls, but my guys are as always, the best! but some classes im failing so i'm feeling down about that.
yeah.. it's kind of a depressing time for me. I think it's because I wasn't expecting to hate the girls as much as I do.. I know I know, I'm ranting, and I'm sorry. I just feel annoyed with the world again :(
I promise I'll try to be more optimistic next time!!!
1st hr: Symphony band, with my friends from marching band, but not many...
2nd hr: English, with some of my good friends
3rd and 4th hr: Block Science, it's kinda fun... I guess
5th hr: math... it's so awkward! I am one of the only 2 freshman.. it's so annoying!!
6th hr: French, with my "friend" who is getting on my nerves. she is kinda one of those girls I wanted to AVOID throughout high school... whatever
Play Practice: well our Play is 'The Crucible' I got the part of Betty Parris which I find amazing and I'm so grateful for getting that part, but I go hangout with tech most of the time, cause I like them better.. oh but since Betty screams, I scream. Our first show is on Tuesday... I DON'T HAVE MY VOICE D: yeah i'm freaking the heck out!!! so now I'm not allowed to talk till Tuesday... AWKWARD TIMES :3
Boys: well I did get a bf, he is my not-so-mellow mello from marching band, but here is the prob, yeah I like him, he is so sweet to me, but he is a total jerk to my guy friends. so now i gotta dump him, because if you ain't nice to my bro's then we ain't goin out. sorry... -I know I know, that sounded really mean, but I'm really getting tired of him treating them horribly, and he will just lie to my face about the matter. so yeah I get pretty tired of it..
Confusion: well i finally understand why people HATE high school but love it still. It definitely is a bittersweet environment. I'm starting to hate my girls, but my guys are as always, the best! but some classes im failing so i'm feeling down about that.
yeah.. it's kind of a depressing time for me. I think it's because I wasn't expecting to hate the girls as much as I do.. I know I know, I'm ranting, and I'm sorry. I just feel annoyed with the world again :(
I promise I'll try to be more optimistic next time!!!
Where Your True Friends Lie
High School.
It is so full of: 1. the people you despise, 2. secretly hate with a burning passion, 3. your best friends, 4. your REAL best friends, 5. then the people that drift in and out of your life.
we all have at least one of each, if not then MANY..
I know I have a couple of the first two, my usual group on the third, my guy friends as the fourth, and then the few people that tend to annoy me, but I'm hardly around them to notice.
unfortunately, no one should notice the details, or the fact that who you THINK are your friends, guess what. They aren't. If you fell, they would laugh, probably not help you up, unless you begged them to. so lets do some scenarios:
1) Your boyfriend is a total jerk to your ex, but you and your ex are still good friends.
-1 don't care
-2 pretend to care
-3 sit there and say that your ex totally deserves it, and not to dump him
-4 tell you he is an a** and say you need to break up with him because he DOESN'T deserve you
-5 meh *just kinda listen to you*
~okay lets just compare 3 and 4 from now on~
2) you trip, and hurt yourself (with your instrument!)
-3 ohmahgod! are you okay? *doesn't help you up*
-4 hahahahaha-are you okay?-hahahahahahaha *eventually helps you up... when your all done laughing :D*
3) you're really depressed lately about stuff
-3 are you tired?
-4 *awkward shifting* are you okay? You've been acting different lately...
so you see the difference is huge. so next time watch all the signs girls. its really annoying when you have to put up with crap from you're so-called friends. trust me, that has been my life lately.. only it was example 1 and 3, #2 happened to my ex, who is still my awesome friend.
*PROOF YOU CAN BE BEST FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX!!!*
So that's about it for now, I just really needed to vent. but if you guys ever need help with anything, shoot me a question! if anyone even reads these..
It is so full of: 1. the people you despise, 2. secretly hate with a burning passion, 3. your best friends, 4. your REAL best friends, 5. then the people that drift in and out of your life.
we all have at least one of each, if not then MANY..
I know I have a couple of the first two, my usual group on the third, my guy friends as the fourth, and then the few people that tend to annoy me, but I'm hardly around them to notice.
unfortunately, no one should notice the details, or the fact that who you THINK are your friends, guess what. They aren't. If you fell, they would laugh, probably not help you up, unless you begged them to. so lets do some scenarios:
1) Your boyfriend is a total jerk to your ex, but you and your ex are still good friends.
-1 don't care
-2 pretend to care
-3 sit there and say that your ex totally deserves it, and not to dump him
-4 tell you he is an a** and say you need to break up with him because he DOESN'T deserve you
-5 meh *just kinda listen to you*
~okay lets just compare 3 and 4 from now on~
2) you trip, and hurt yourself (with your instrument!)
-3 ohmahgod! are you okay? *doesn't help you up*
-4 hahahahaha-are you okay?-hahahahahahaha *eventually helps you up... when your all done laughing :D*
3) you're really depressed lately about stuff
-3 are you tired?
-4 *awkward shifting* are you okay? You've been acting different lately...
so you see the difference is huge. so next time watch all the signs girls. its really annoying when you have to put up with crap from you're so-called friends. trust me, that has been my life lately.. only it was example 1 and 3, #2 happened to my ex, who is still my awesome friend.
*PROOF YOU CAN BE BEST FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX!!!*
So that's about it for now, I just really needed to vent. but if you guys ever need help with anything, shoot me a question! if anyone even reads these..
September 15, 2012
Back to the Beginning...
as much 'progress' as I thought I have been making is completely gone.
He haunts my dreams
He haunts my being
I see him everywhere in school
Am I just looking for him?
Or are we meant to be together?
I'm not over him
I wonder if I ever will be
I want to be with him
I want him to like me
I want to just be around him.
I wonder...
What does he think of me?
Does he want to kiss me
as much as I want to kiss him?
Does he miss me?
Will he ask me to homecoming?
Does he WANT to?
Why can't I get in his head and understand him???
So I'm in no way over my ex... I thought I was. but now all I can think about, dream about, is him.
and I constantly wonder and HOPE he will ask me to homecoming...
constantly... CONSTANTLY. he is even showing up in my dreams. one night, before morning practice, it was the one night I could sleep in till 5:30, and I fell asleep at oh I dunno, 11ish? but that night. I felt the best. I got a good amount of sleep. and my dream... he was in it the entire time. and when I awoke... I felt so amazing I didn't even understand it.
and at the game last night, I finally told my friends that I still really liked him. My best friend kinda knew all along, my friend on sax, I told her earlier, and my other friend on sax, he has been telling me this entire time that I wasn't over him, and my other friend who is in regular band, doesn't know still I don't think... but in short. I'm back at the beginning and High School Is Difficult...
He haunts my dreams
He haunts my being
I see him everywhere in school
Am I just looking for him?
Or are we meant to be together?
I'm not over him
I wonder if I ever will be
I want to be with him
I want him to like me
I want to just be around him.
I wonder...
What does he think of me?
Does he want to kiss me
as much as I want to kiss him?
Does he miss me?
Will he ask me to homecoming?
Does he WANT to?
Why can't I get in his head and understand him???
So I'm in no way over my ex... I thought I was. but now all I can think about, dream about, is him.
and I constantly wonder and HOPE he will ask me to homecoming...
constantly... CONSTANTLY. he is even showing up in my dreams. one night, before morning practice, it was the one night I could sleep in till 5:30, and I fell asleep at oh I dunno, 11ish? but that night. I felt the best. I got a good amount of sleep. and my dream... he was in it the entire time. and when I awoke... I felt so amazing I didn't even understand it.
and at the game last night, I finally told my friends that I still really liked him. My best friend kinda knew all along, my friend on sax, I told her earlier, and my other friend on sax, he has been telling me this entire time that I wasn't over him, and my other friend who is in regular band, doesn't know still I don't think... but in short. I'm back at the beginning and High School Is Difficult...
September 9, 2012
Some songs of my ex
So during Theatre stuff this past summer when I was with "Michael" my friend showed me this song called 'Love Me Dead' by Ludo. so when I was kinda depressed because he was ignoring me, I thought back to the song. and I just kept singing it. I got bored so I came up with the girl version.
The Original:
Love me cancerously
like a salt sore soaked in the sea
High maintenance means you're a gluttonous queen
Narcissistic and mean
*snap*
Kill me romantically!
Fill my soul with vomit, then ask me for a piece of gum
Bitter and dumb, you're my sugar plum :)
You're awful, I love you!
She moves through moonbeams slowly
She knows just how to hold me
And when her edges soften
her body is my coffin
I know she drains me slowly
She wears me down to bones in bed.
must be the sign on my head,
that says Oooh "love me dead"!
Love me dead
You're a faith healer on T.V.
You're an office park without any trees
corporate and cold.
gushing for gold
leave me alone!
you suck so passionately
you're a parasitic, psycho, filthy, creature, finger banging my heart
you call me up drunk, does the fun ever start?
You're hideous, and Sexy!
She moves through moonbeams slowly
She knows just how to hold me
And when her edges soften
her body is my coffin
I know she drains me slowly
She wears me down to bones in bed.
must be the sign on my head,
that says Oooh "love me dead"!
Love me dead
Wowww UHH
*guitar part*
Love me cancerously
*whistles*
Rrrattadadada RRRRrratatadada
How's your new boy, does he know about me?
you got the mark of a beast.
You're born of a jackal, You're beautiful
She moves through moonbeams slowly
She knows just how to hold me
And when her edges soften
her body is my coffin
I know she drains me slowly
She wears me down to bones in bed.
must be the sign on my head,
that says Oooh "love me dead"!
Love me dead
My Version
Love me cancerously
like a salt sore soaked in the sea
High maintenance means you're a gluttonous king
Narcissistic and mean
*snap*
Kill me romantically!
Fill my soul with vomit, then ask me for a piece of gum
Bitter and dumb, you're my sugar plum :)
You're awful, I love you!
He moves through moonbeams slowly
He knows just how to hold me
And when his edges soften
His body is my coffin
I know he drains me slowly
He wears me down to bones in bed.
must be the sign on my head,
that says Oooh "love me dead"!
Love me dead
You're a faith healer on T.V.
You're an office park without any trees
corporate and cold.
gushing for gold
leave me alone!
you suck so passionately
you're a parasitic, psycho, filthy, creature, finger banging my heart
you call me up drunk, does the fun ever start?
You're hideous, and Sexy!
He moves through moonbeams slowly
He knows just how to hold me
And when his edges soften
His body is my coffin
I know he drains me slowly
He wears me down to bones in bed.
must be the sign on my head,
that says Oooh "love me dead"!
Love me dead
Wowww UHH
*guitar part*
Love me cancerously
*whistles*
Rrrattadadada RRRRrratatadada
How's your new girl, does she know about me?
you got the mark of a beast.
You're born of a jackal, You're beautiful
He moves through moonbeams slowly
He knows just how to hold me
And when his edges soften
His body is my coffin
I know he drains me slowly
He wears me down to bones in bed.
must be the sign on my head,
that says Oooh "love me dead"!
Love me dead
another song that I heard when we were together, was Since U been Gone, by Kelly Clarkson (also by My Darkest Days) and it bugged me. Because our relationship was almost exactly like that. Except the break up. and now that I think about it. It describes my relationship almost to a tee. but a small difference. I still see him all the time. and I still miss him :/
but I'm hoping that this new guy in my lunch asks me to homecoming, or we at least hang out most of it and dance together :3
SO HOPEFUL
September 7, 2012
Boys. School. Marching Band.
So much news!
Girly side: so there is this really cute boy in my lunch! He is friends with my friends in marching band, one is in cymbals and the other in trumpet, and he is so cool :3 he is chill, nice, and loves music, but doesn't know how to play an instrument... Is that allowed for the band kids???
On The Band side: so apparently on Fridays the band literally goes through the halls of the entire school doing the cadence! It is so fun! Except then I get to 1st period all sweaty. It is mainly intended to get the school pumped for the varsity football game that night. The problem is that no one was really getting into it, they were just like 'oh mah Gosh. It's those lame bandos' I personally find this SUPER offensive, we are actually really cool, and honestly more fun the the other kids in my classes.
On the school side: so my classes kinda are weird. I got math first period: I am so abnormally quiet in this class, but most of them are sophomores (note I'm a freshman) and I'm pretty sure they think band is nerdy :( . Second period I have english: my friend who is in concert band is in there an I have a friend who is also in my block science class, and so not really any band kids in there (I always miss them so). Third and fourth periods my Block Science: let's see, I know a couple kids, none of them band :(. LUNCH: the cute boy :3 my friends who are on cymbals and then the one on trumpet (yay band kids :D) Fifth period, BAND: so obviously a lot of band kids, my ex, my bestie, my creepy friend who we all love anyway, and so on anon and on. LAST PERIOD, French: so I have my friend who my ex still likes... But we're really good friends an we just talk about OTHER guys and stuff. Then the day is over :)
So. Ex wise... Well. I'm getting over him. Turns out my friend doesn't even like him. But I am still (hopefully) good friends with him. It's really crazy. High school is so difficult. If anyone can answer me on this? If you have any advice and youre reading this. Please help :)
TOMORROW IS ARTS AND APPLES!!! I'm so happy, even though I don't get to sleep in :/ it's gonna rock though!!!
Blonde band chick out!
Girly side: so there is this really cute boy in my lunch! He is friends with my friends in marching band, one is in cymbals and the other in trumpet, and he is so cool :3 he is chill, nice, and loves music, but doesn't know how to play an instrument... Is that allowed for the band kids???
On The Band side: so apparently on Fridays the band literally goes through the halls of the entire school doing the cadence! It is so fun! Except then I get to 1st period all sweaty. It is mainly intended to get the school pumped for the varsity football game that night. The problem is that no one was really getting into it, they were just like 'oh mah Gosh. It's those lame bandos' I personally find this SUPER offensive, we are actually really cool, and honestly more fun the the other kids in my classes.
On the school side: so my classes kinda are weird. I got math first period: I am so abnormally quiet in this class, but most of them are sophomores (note I'm a freshman) and I'm pretty sure they think band is nerdy :( . Second period I have english: my friend who is in concert band is in there an I have a friend who is also in my block science class, and so not really any band kids in there (I always miss them so). Third and fourth periods my Block Science: let's see, I know a couple kids, none of them band :(. LUNCH: the cute boy :3 my friends who are on cymbals and then the one on trumpet (yay band kids :D) Fifth period, BAND: so obviously a lot of band kids, my ex, my bestie, my creepy friend who we all love anyway, and so on anon and on. LAST PERIOD, French: so I have my friend who my ex still likes... But we're really good friends an we just talk about OTHER guys and stuff. Then the day is over :)
So. Ex wise... Well. I'm getting over him. Turns out my friend doesn't even like him. But I am still (hopefully) good friends with him. It's really crazy. High school is so difficult. If anyone can answer me on this? If you have any advice and youre reading this. Please help :)
TOMORROW IS ARTS AND APPLES!!! I'm so happy, even though I don't get to sleep in :/ it's gonna rock though!!!
Blonde band chick out!
August 31, 2012
Where are you?
wow. so my ex and I have been hanging out and all the stuff from Cedar Point, and just yeah. BUT I don't know if I even have the ABILITY to hate him.
ya see guys, here is a really good tip. If you and your recent ex are still good friends, and you are in the band together, and she is nice to you and stuff. DON'T tell one of her best friends in the band that you like her. Because either she still likes you, and when she finds out she will be a mix between heartbroken and PISSED OFF. or she is over you, but is still kind of upset that you like her best friend. so just don't. it's a bad idea, and even if you like this chick, just keep it to yourself. Your ex might still like you. SO JUST DON'T!!!
so how do I feel? honestly, pretty angry, and upset; but mainly hurt
how did I react? well, I didn't hear it from him. I heard it from my friend. I was just in shock at first, and then after a while I just well I sobbed! what was I supposed to do? I just accidentally told the kid I still kinda like him, and how I find out he likes my FRIEND! I really am just frustrated.
but at 11:11 I have a new wish. instead of wishing to get back together, or be better friends. I wished for a new guy. a cute, nice one. one who won't say I'm rude, or bossy, but instead would work with me on NOT being that way. One that will still help me when I'm in trouble or being picked on. One that I can trust. ENTIRELY. One who won't make me cry. Who would be worth the tears but never make me shed them. One who I can actually be well compatible with...
but where is he?
ya see guys, here is a really good tip. If you and your recent ex are still good friends, and you are in the band together, and she is nice to you and stuff. DON'T tell one of her best friends in the band that you like her. Because either she still likes you, and when she finds out she will be a mix between heartbroken and PISSED OFF. or she is over you, but is still kind of upset that you like her best friend. so just don't. it's a bad idea, and even if you like this chick, just keep it to yourself. Your ex might still like you. SO JUST DON'T!!!
so how do I feel? honestly, pretty angry, and upset; but mainly hurt
how did I react? well, I didn't hear it from him. I heard it from my friend. I was just in shock at first, and then after a while I just well I sobbed! what was I supposed to do? I just accidentally told the kid I still kinda like him, and how I find out he likes my FRIEND! I really am just frustrated.
but at 11:11 I have a new wish. instead of wishing to get back together, or be better friends. I wished for a new guy. a cute, nice one. one who won't say I'm rude, or bossy, but instead would work with me on NOT being that way. One that will still help me when I'm in trouble or being picked on. One that I can trust. ENTIRELY. One who won't make me cry. Who would be worth the tears but never make me shed them. One who I can actually be well compatible with...
but where is he?
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